


Avengers Assemble GroupChat (which was a bad idea)

by DysfunctionalRequest



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Thor is confused, steve Rogers can’t understand, tony is regretting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 08:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20374093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DysfunctionalRequest/pseuds/DysfunctionalRequest
Summary: Tony Stark's only regret was creating The Avengers Assemble GroupChat, where he has to deal with Steve's confusion, Clint's bad jokes, Natasha's teasing, Thor's arrogance and Bruce's...well, Bruce being Bruce. Poor Tony





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if some format is off but this was done on mobile, so it was much harder:)

_**Tony** created chat **AvengersAssemble**_

**Tony:** hello?  
**Tony:** oh wait I gotta add people…shit I’m glad no one saw this.  
_**Tony** cleared text history._  
**Tony**_ added _**Clint, Natasha, Steve **_**Ro****gers**_, **_Bruce_** _**Banner**_, _and** Th**_or the God Of Lightning.  
**Tony:** You guys here?  
_**Clint** is online_  
_**Natasha** is online._  
**Clint:** Who else would be here?  
**Tony:** I was just checking, geez  
**Natasha**: the great Tony Stark checking? Wow. Times have changed.  
_**Tony** removed **Natasha** from the chat_.  
**Clint:** a bit drastic  
**Tony:** she mocked me  
_**Steve Rogers** is online._  
**Steve Rogers:** Is this what you were talking about to me today, Tony?   
_**Clint** changed Steve Rogers usernam_e to **_StarSpangledAss_**.  
**Tony**: Real mature Clint  
**Clint**: …  
**StarSpangeledAss**: WAIT WHY IS MY NAME DIFFERENT  
**Clint**: hehehe  
**StarSpangledAss**: HOW DO I CHANGE BACK

**Tony**: Stop panicking it’s not the end of the world. If it makes you feel better  
_**Tony** changed **Clint’s** username to C_AW-CAW  
**Tony**: see  
**StarSpangledAss**: OH SO IT ISNT THAT BAD?  
**CAW-CAW:** I’m just rolling with it. I wish my mom gave me this name  
**Tony**: I can’t tell whether you are serious

**StarSpangledAss**: I THINK HE IS

**CAW-CAW:** geez cap turn the caps lock off  
**StarSpangledAss**: I DON’T KNOW HOW  
_**Thor the God Of Lightning** is online._  
_**Tony** changed **Thor the God Of Lightning’s** username to **JustThor**_  
**JustThor**: HAHA there is a crisis! I will fix it!   
**Tony**: plz no  
**StarSpangledAss**: SOMEONE HELP ME  
**JustThor**: Calm down help is on the way!  
**CAW-CAW:** oh this is TOO GOOD  
_**JustThor** has left the chat._  
**Tony:** what is he doing?!  
**CAW-CAW:** he’s going upstairs to cap’s room  
**Tony**: oh no  
**CAW-CAW:** OH YES  
**StarSpangledAss**: CUKCDULDWRHBK  
**Tony**: sorry?  
**StarSpangledAss**: CHCQEUOVDOICAEYVSHBX(8)2:tunauov  
**CAW-CAW**: well at least the caps lock is off  
_**CAW-CAW **has added **Natasha** to the chat_.  
**Natasha**: Jesus what is going on I can hear Thor shouting and Steve seems to be screaming  
**Tony**: Clint why  
**CAW-CAW:** I felt bad  
**Natasha**: Thor’s coming down  
_**JustThor **is online._  
**JustThor**: HA I saved the captain!  
**Tony**: Cap?  
**CAW-CAW:** Thor are you sure you saved him?  
**JustThor**: you doubt me?  
**CAW-CAW**: :<  
**Tony**: what on Earth is that?  
**Natasha**: why is earth capitalised?  
**Tony**: shitty autocorrect  
**StarSpangledAss**: language.  
**Tony**: Jesus you tell me off for language? Why weren’t you answering   
**StarSpangledAss**: I liked watching the texts ping in. I like the ping noise.   
**CAW-CAW**: But the use of foul language was too much for the great captain America everyone  
**Natasha**: wow the true captain speaks: “I like the pings”   
**CAW-CAW:** XD  
**StarSpangledAss**: What is that supposed to stand for?  
**Natasha**: it’s a face  
**Tony**: Jesus the great captain amerca doesn’t know about text faces?  
**StarSpangledAss**: the great Tony Stark can’t spell “America”?  
**CAW-CAW:** OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH  
**JustThor**: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
**Natasha**: Jesus I can hear Thor laughing from down here.  
**Tony**: yeah yeah laugh it up  
**JustThor**: thank you for the permission  
**CAW-CAW**: CAPTAIN AMERICA ROASTED YOU  
**Tony**: this was a bad idea  
_**Tony** removed **StarSpangledAss**, **CAW-CAW **and **JustThor** from the ch_at.  
**Natasha**: oh ok  
**Tony**: I will not be mocked   
**Natasha**: wow  
**Tony**: what?  
**Natasha**: Thor is crying. Hard  
**Tony**: how hard  
**Natasha**: like I think the walls are shaking  
_**Bruce Banner** is online_  
**Bruce Banner**: what did you do? Thor is crying, Clint is laughing crazily and cap is drinking tea like vodka. I’ve actually had to remove the teabags from the kitchen.   
**Natasha**: Tony kicked them out of this chat because he was in a hissy fit  
**Tony**: did not  
**Bruce Banner:** that sounds right. So that means it’s only us here?  
**Tony**: yes  
**Bruce Banner:** I can’t deal with this   
**Tony**: Bruce NO  
_**Bruce Banner** added **StarSpangledAss**, **CAW-CAW** and **JustThor** _to the chat  
**CAW-CAW** changed **Tony’s** username to **Bigmeanie**  
**Bigmeanie**: That’s it  
_**Bruce Banner** blocked **Bigmeanie** from removing members of th_e chat  
**Bigmeanie**: Bruce I thought you were on my side  
_**Bigmeanie** changed **Bruce Banner’s** username to **Snake**._  
**Natasha**: wow I thought we were meant to be avengers  
**JustThor**: I’m a god  
**StarSpangledAss**: we know  
**CAW-CAW**: I’m alive   
**Snake**: now that’s just mean  
_**Bigmeanie** changed their username to **TheKoolKid**_  
**TheKoolKid**: I’m cool and you’re not  
**Natasha**: oh geez  
**StarSpangledAss**: I disagree  
**JustThor**: I don’t think you’re cool. I need to change that. How does one change a name on this godforsaken tech?  
**StarSpangledAss**: I’m not the only one then  
**CAW-CAW:** hang on, boys  
_**CAW-CAW** changed **TheKoolKid’s** name to **IronBoy**_  
**IronBoy**: I guess I can accept it  
**StarSpangledAss**: Bruce where are the teabags   
**Snake**: I was worried you were going to overdose  
**JustThor**: I’m sorry who’s this snake?  
_**Snake** changed their name to **DrBanner**_  
**JustThor**: Ah doctor it’s good to see you  
**StarSpangledAss**: I need more tea  
**DrBanner**: no  
**IronBoy**: you ought to give it to him Bruce I’m serious  
**CAW-CAW**: ooh you’re doomed. I hid the tea once and he threw me out of the window.   
**Natasha**: Cap? Violence unnecessarily?   
**StarSpangledAss**: He is a spy, he has grapplers.  
**IronBoy**: still, a bit much  
**StarSpangledAss**: when it’s tea, I’m not messing around.  
**StarSpangledAss**: I’m thirsty  
**CAW-CAW:** thirsty for BLOOD  
**JustThor**: the captain drinks blood?  
**JustThor**: do all humans drink blood?  
**CAW-CAW**: Yes  
**Natasha**: no  
**JustThor**: I’m confused  
**StarSpangledAss**: Bruce where’s the tea?!  
**StarSpangledAss**: I’m looking everywhere for it  
**StarSpangledAss**: where could you hide it?!  
**DrBanner**: …  
**IronBoy**: actually I fancy a cup so where is it  
**StarSpangledAss**: I’m going to find it  
_**StarSpangledAss** has left the chat_  
_**DrBanner** has left the chat_  
**CAW-CAW**: I didn’t think this would happen in an avengers chat  
**IronBoy**: me neither, funnily enough  
**JustThor**: well I thought it would end up as this chaotic mess.  
**Natasha**: thanks Thor  
**JustThor**: you are welcome my spidery assassin!  
_**CAW-CAW** has changed **Natasha’s** username to **Spiderylady**_  
**Spiderylady**: charmed.  
_**CAW-CAW** changed the chat name to **TheKoolKids**._  
**IronBoy**: oh he’s on a roll now.  
_**Spiderylady** changed the chat name to **NinjaTurtles**_  
**IronBoy**: FUCK NO  
**Spiderylady**: Fuck yes  
_**StarSpangledAss** is online._  
**StarSpangledAss**: language!  
**CAW-CAW**: He was summoned by the use of language. Fuck man I’m sorry.  
**StarSpangledAss**: you really didn’t have to curse there.  
**IronBoy**: Sorry Clint is a shithead I’ll fucking beat him up if you need me too.  
**StarSpangledAss**: please stop.  
**CAW-CAW:** FUUUUUUUUUCK  
**StarSpangledAss**: Guys.  
**JustThor**: this is a fun human game! I know a fair few!   
**StarSpangledAss**: Thor no.  
**IronBoy**: Thor YES  
_**StarSpangledAss** has left the chat._  
**IronBoy**: coward.  
**Spiderylady**: you just realised you called the captain America a coward?  
**IronBoy**: that’s what I said.   
**JustThor**: Man of Iron you are wrong I’m afraid to admit.   
**IronBoy**: I would delete you now if I could.  
**JustThor**: BUT YOU CANT! HA!  
**Spiderylady**: he just said that out loud.   
**CAW-CAW:** yeah I heard.  
**IronBoy**: where are you guys anyway?  
**CAW-CAW:** attic  
**Spiderylady**: basement  
**IronBoy**: why am I not surprised.   
**JustThor**: I am eating what is known as a burger at a place called BurgerKing. It is quite delicious.  
**IronBoy**: McDonald’s is better.  
**Spiderylady**: scrap burgers all together I would go to Nando’s.   
**CAW-CAW:** nah KFC for me.  
**JustThor**: there are more of these food places?  
**IronBoy**: how did you not know? You have been on this planet for a while now.  
**IronBoy**: get your shit together  
**JustThor**: I challenge you to a duel!  
**IronBoy**: Wait what  
**Spiderylady**: that literally came out of nowhere.  
_**JustThor** has left the chat._  
**IronBoy**: oh no  
_**CAW-CAW** has changed **IronBoy’s** username to **Regretseverything**._  
**Regretseverything**: What do I do now?! He didn’t even say a place.  
**Spiderylady**: I think he’s coming to you.  
**CAW-CAW: **hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe  
**Regretseverything**: Stop that  
**CAW-CAW:** hehe  
**Regretseverything**: I can beat him  
_**Spiderylady** changed **Regretseverything’s** username to **BigEgo**_.  
**BigEgo**: what.  
_**StarSpangledAss** is online._  
**Spiderylady**: on a random note, do you think that Cap is gay?  
_**StarSpangledAss** has left the chat_.  
**CAW-CAW: **I think that confirms it.  
**BigEgo**: I have actually had it with you two.  
_**BigEgo** has left the chat._  
**CAW-CAW: **hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This really, really was a bad idea

_GroupChat **NinjaTurtles**_  
_**CAW-CAW **is online_  
**CAW-CAW:** Wait you added peter parker? As in Spider-Man?  
**CAW-CAW:** Jesus my autocorrect is autocorrecting Spider-Man. Does it do that with me?  
**BigEgo**: no it doesn’t you’re not cool enough. No I haven’t added Spider-Man  
_**StarSpangledAss** is online._  
**StarSpangledAss**: Tony why did you invite a kid here? This is our avengers group chat I don’t think he should be on.  
**BigEgo**: I haven’t added a kid why don’t you read  
_**JustThor** is online._  
**JustThor**: I will not talk business with a minor.  
**BigEgo**: I DIDN’T INVITE A KID

_**Spiderylady** is online._

**Spiderylady**: you sure about that? You’re getting old these days…  
_**BigEgo** kicked **Spiderylady** from the chat _  
**CAW-CAW:** ahhh he’s at it aaaagaiiiiin  
**StarSpangledAss**: Jesus Tony  
**JustThor**: HA! She got kicked!  
**StarSpangledAss**: Thor laughs too loud. I can hear him from the gym.  
**CAW-CAW: **Wait didn’t Bruce stop you  
**BigEgo**: I hacked his hack  
**StarSpangledAss**: bit much?  
**BigEgo**: says the guy who literally tore up the kitchen for some tea  
**StarSpangledAss**: hey you joined in when you wanted a cup  
**CAW-CAW**: How is the kitchen by the way?   
**BigEgo**: we’ve decided to build a new one because it’s too trashed.  
_**StarSpangledAss** invited **Spiderylady** to the chat._  
**BigEgo**: I’m disappointed  
**StarSpangledAss**: I felt bad, sorry  
**Spiderylady**: how many times am I going to get kicked from this chat?  
**JustThor**: I think that would be a lot.   
**BigEgo**: are these even the real avengers I’m speaking with? Or just some kids?  
**CAW-CAW:** no we’re just hobos pretending.  
**JustThor**: I am not a hobo I am a god.   
**CAW-CAW**: do you know what a joke is?  
**JustThor**: Yes  
**BigEgo**: That was a joke  
**JustThor**: I know but I just wanted to remind you that even in the joke universe I am better than you.  
_**BigEgo** kicked **JustThor** from the chat._  
**StarSpangledAss**: Jesus he just summoned his magic hammer. It came through the gym and now there’s a hole in the wall.  
**CAW-CAW:** I can hear the pain in his text.  
**StarSpangledAss**: it was my favourite gym…  
**BigEgo**: don’t clench your ass Cap, I’ll fix it.  
**CAW-CAW:** ooooh sweet Jesus I can see Thor.  
**CAW-CAW:** he’s flying.  
**Spiderylady**: whats your position?  
**CAW-CAW:** I’m having breakfast on the roof.  
**Spiderylady**: nothings better than breakfast on the roof.  
**BigEgo**: am I the only one normal here?  
**StarSpangledAss**: I have three breakfasts a day.  
**CAW-CAW**: WHHHAAAATTTTT  
**CAW-CAW:** AHHHHHH  
**CAW-CAW:** daily avenger life.  
**Spiderylady**: so do you like eat them all at once?!  
**StarSpangledAss**: one in the early morning, one after a morning run and one about half an hour after.  
**CAW-CAW**: WHOA :O  
**StarSpangledAss**: is that another face?  
**BigEgo**: yes it is  
**CAW-CAW:** Wait boys Thor is coming towards me. He looks mad.  
**Spiderylady**: why at you?  
**CAW-CAW: **oh shit he’s coming ahh   
**BigEgo**: run.  
**StarSpangledAss**: Hurry  
**CAW-CAW:** shit I’m leaving shit shit shit.  
**StarSpangledAss**: language. And stop texting as your climbing down a roof it’s dangerous  
**CAW-CAW:** ahhhhhhhhhhhhh  
**CAW-CAW:** he coming ahhhhhhh  
**Spiderylady**: stay calm.  
**StarSpangledAss**: I’ve opened the gym window you can come through here  
**Spiderylady**: whats he gonna do?  
**CAW-CAW: **shit he’s found me shit sh  
**BigEgo**: Clint?  
**BigEgo**: is he dead? Is that allowed?!  
**Spiderylady**: uh oh I think Thor got him.  
**StarSpangledAss**: He was so close to the window.  
**BigEgo**: What now?  
**CAW-CAW**: fyiatigathGdibayjHUOB5757£.Fistknd  
**StarSpangledAss**: pardon? Is this some kind of “cool emote”?  
**BigEgo**: does that look like a face to you?!  
**CAW-CAW**: MAN OF IRON PUT ME BACK INTO THE ONLINE CHAT MACHINE OR I’LL SMITE YOU TO VALHALLA LET ME BACK IN  
**BigEgo**: What  
**CAW-CAW:** LET NE BACK IN I AM USING CAPITALS TO SYMBOLISE HOW MAD I AM   
**Spiderylady**: Thor?  
**CAW-CAW: **I AM THOR GOD OF LIGHTNING I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS  
**StarSpangledAss**: Thor.  
**BigEgo**: seriously?  
**CAW-CAW**: MAN OF SUSROITWAXJ KODDUG  
**Spiderylady**: ok either Thor has thrown the phone off a cliff of Clint’s had enough.  
**BigEgo**: id say he’s thrown the phone  
**CAW-CAW:** boys im running away aghh he’s coming fir ne  
**StarSpangledAss**: he’s alive!  
**Spiderylady**: yeah Clint!  
**CAW-CAW:** ahhhhhhhhhhh hekp meeee  
**StarSpangledAss**: position?  
**StarSpangledAss**: clint?  
**Spiderylady**: oh no he’s got him  
**CAW-CAW:** third floor, west stairs  
**StarSpangledAss**: I’m coming to help   
**StarSpangledAss** has left the chat.  
**Spiderylady**: brave man  
**BigEgo**: hello?  
**BigEgo**: heeellllloooooo  
**CAW-CAW**: hello  
**Spiderylady**: status  
**CAW-CAW:** hiding in the gym with Cap. Managed to get Thor stuck on the elevator  
**BigEgo**: How?  
**CAW-CAW**: his cape got stuck  
**CAW-CAW:** wait he’s coming JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL  
**Spiderylady**: don’t give up!  
**CAW-CAW:** we are against a GOD  
**BigEgo**: you don’t even have a wheel  
**CAW-CAW:** cap’s got a shield  
**Spiderylady**: close enough to be fair  
**BigEgo**: no it’s not  
**CAW-CAW:** aghhh cap’s gone to try and make peace  
**BigEgo**: WHAT  
**Spiderylady**: Jesus that’s suicide where’s Bruce? He knows what to do to calm Thor.  
**BigEgo**: dunno  
**CAW-CAW: **OH MY JESUS HE’S TALKING TO HIM  
**Spiderylady**: Aahhhhh  
**BigEgo**: whats going on now?  
**BigEgo**: type faster  
**CAW-CAW**: Sorry my hands were shaking too much   
**CAW-CAW**: he’s inviting Thor back in when he gets his phone  
**CAW-CAW**: now Thor’s laughing and crying at the same time  
**Spiderylady**: Jesus Christ it worked  
**CAW-CAW:** oh  
**BigEgo**: what????  
**CAW-CAW**: oooooooohhhhhhh  
**BigEgo**: tell me!!!  
**CAW-CAW**: oooh teaaaa  
**CAW-CAW**: SECRET tea  
**BigEgo**: I swear to god tell me or  
_**StarSpangledAss** is online_  
_**StarSpangledAss** invited **JustThor** to the chat_  
**JustThor**: I AM BACK  
**StarSpangledAss**: you ready?  
**JustThor**: oh yes  
**BigEgo**: what?!  
**BigEgo**: ready for what?!   
**StarSpangledAss**: go!  
_**JustThor** kicked **BigEgo** from the chat._  
**Spiderylady**: OOOOOOHHHHH  
**CAW-CAW: **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
**Spiderylady**: oh no you didn’t!  
**JustThor**: YES I DID! HA!  
**StarSpangledAss**: we all need a break from Tony   
_**DrBanner** is online. _  
**DrBanner**: You didn’t just  
_**JustThor** changed their username to **SUPREMEGODTHOR**_  
**DrBanner**: good answer  
_**Spiderylady** changed **CAW-CAW’s** username to **thepuffypigeon** _  
**Spiderylady**: we needed to get rid of anything that reminded us of Tony, and Tony gave you that slave name  
**thepuffypigeon**: im a free man  
**DrBanner**: let’s celebrate a Tony-Free life  
**StarSpangledAss**: to happy endings  
**thepuffypigeon**: To no more outdated sunglasses  
**SUPREMEGODTHOR**: To no more millionaires with heads too big for their own tiny bodies  
**StarSpangledAss**: this is the life  
_**BigEgo** invited **BigEgo** to the chat._  
**SUPREMEGODTHOR**: WHAT IS THIS MADNESS  
**Spiderylady**: WHAT  
**DrBanner**: oh no our carefree Tony lives  
_**StarSpangledAss** has left the chat_.  
**BigEgo**: miss me?!  
**thepuffypigeon**: How. What. Nooooo  
**BigEgo**: I hacked my own groupchat because I’m that cool.  
_**DrBanner** changed **BigEgo’s** username to **TooBigEgo**._  
**TooBigEgo**: at least this big ego got me somewhere  
**DrBanner**: Hmm  
**Spiderylady**: Hmm  
**thepuffypigeon**: Hmm  
**SUPREMEGODTHOR**: I don’t think an ego counts for being successful.  
**SUPREMEGODTHOR**: I can’t believe he fooled a computer just to boast.  
**DrBanner**: actually I can…  
**thepuffypigeon**: so are you guys up for a game of monopoly?  
**DrBanner**: I have time.  
_**StarSpangledAss** is online_**.**  
**StarSpangledAss**: definitely!  
**Spiderylady**: again? Ok but I’ll crush you all.  
**SUPREMEGODTHOR**: NO! I will crush you with the snap of my fingers like flies  
**TooBigEgo**: nah I haven’t lost yet.  
**StarSpangledAss**: actually yes you have  
**thepuffypigeon**: badly.   
**TooBigEgo**: that’s because you cheated.  
**Spiderylady**: if you say so…  
**SUPREMEGODTHOR**: and what will become of the loser?  
**Spiderylady**: they have to tidy up  
**TooBigEgo**: it’s on  
**StarSpangledAss**: just in case I lose, Thor could you not flip the board again?  
**SUPREMEGODTHOR**: I will try my hardest Captain but sometimes I get too involved in the game. It’s like I am the little thimble on the board, buying those plastic houses  
**Spiderylady**: speaking of pieces, can I be the dog?   
**TooBigEgo**: I’m the dog  
**thepuffypigeon**: no I’m the dog  
**StarSpangledAss**: I like the dog  
**DrBanner**: so do I…  
**SUPREMEGODTHOR**: THE DOG IS MINE  
**Spiderylady**: first one there gets the dog?  
_**StarSpangledAss** is offline_  
_**TooBigEgo** is offline_  
_**SUPREMEGODTHOR** is offline_  
_**DrBanner** is offline_  
_**thepuffypigeon** is offline_  
**Spiderylady**: hehe suckers I’m already here  
**Spiderylady** is offline


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony swears Fury hired a load of children to save the world from evil

** _TooBigEgo _ ** _is online_

** _TooBigEgo _ ** _changed the group chat’s name to **AvengersAssemble**_

** _Thepuffypigeon _ ** _is online_

**Thepuffypigeon: **oh no you don’t

** _Thepuffypigeon _ ** _changed the chat name to **PowerRangers**_

**TooBigEgo: **damn it

** _Spiderylady _ ** _is online_

**Spiderylady: **yessss Clint

**Thepuffypigeon: **yessssssssssssssss

**Spiderylady: **YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

**TooBigEgo: **no. Just no

**Thepuffypigeon: **YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS

**Spiderylady: **YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

** _StarSpangledAss _ ** _is online _

**StarSpangledAss: **yes?

**TooBigEgo: **no

**Thepuffypigeon: **YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

**Spiderylady: **YEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

**StarSpangledAss: **ok

**TooBigEgo: **Jesus guys your TopTrump cards would suck

**StarSpangledAss: **what are those?

**Thepuffypigeon: **WhAt ArE tHoSe

**Spiderylady: **you don’t know? Wait how

**TooBigEgo: **oh boy just when I thought you were a nice guy

**Thepuffypigeon: **nice gay guy Steve

**Spiderylady: **Clint stop

**StarSpangledAss: **what?

**Spiderylady: **Sorry he’s getting carried away

**Spiderylady: **we would never discuss our theories whilst you are listening

**Thepuffypigeon: **GAY STEVE

** _TooBigEgo _ ** _kicked **Thepuffypigeon **from the chat_

**TooBigEgo: **anyway back to TopTrumps

**StarSpangledAss: **right

**Spiderylady: **they are this type of playing card game that you do in a group. Each card is a different thing with different stats

**TooBigEgo: **you got it?

**StarSpangledAss: **a little

**Spiderylady: **ok so Clint’s card would look something like:

Accuracy: 90/100

Haircut: 2/10

Looks: 6/10

Stupidity: 100/100

**TooBigEgo: **id say looks is about five

**Spiderylady: **I was giving him the benefit of the doubt

**TooBigEgo: **what about this

Accuracy: 90/100

Haircut: 2/10

Looks: 5/10

Flexibility: 8/10

Power: 10/100

Stupidity: 999/100

**Spiderylady: **yup…though I think his power should go up

**TooBigEgo: **honey, compared to our amazing kickass hits he’s a baby

**TooBigEgo: **you got that Steve?

**TooBigEgo: **Steve

**Spiderylady: **ass?

**TooBigEgo: **hullo

**Spiderylady: **knock knock

**TooBigEgo: **who’s there

**TooBigEgo: **Sorry I had to

**StarSpangledAss: **I was dealing with Clint

**TooBigEgo: **What has he done now

**StarSpangledAss: **he started to wave a rainbow flag in my room

**Spiderylady: **That one he brought at the dollar store?

**StarSpangledAss: **the very same

**TooBigEgo: **whats his status now?

**StarSpangledAss: **he ran off singing

**StarSpangledAss: **I think he’s had too many energy drinks again

**Spiderylady: **damn who’s turn was it too keep track

**TooBigEgo: **according to this rota, Thor

**StarSpangledAss: **oh so that’s why

**StarSpangledAss: **okay he’s back

**TooBigEgo: **and?

**StarSpangledAss: **he wants to get back in here

**StarSpangledAss: **he’s wrapped me in the flag

**StarSpangledAss: **I think he’s slightly drunk

**Spiderylady: **oh that’s because I challenged him to a drinking game earlier

**TooBigEgo: **That was stupid

**Spiderylady: **no it was pretty fun

**StarSpangledAss: **okay I’m going to let him back in

** _StarSpangledAss _ ** _added **Thepuffypigeon **to the chat_

** _Thepuffypigeon _ ** _is online_

** _SUPREMEGODTHOR _ ** _is online_

**StarSpangledAss: **so what was being discussed

**Spiderylady: **What our TopTrump cards would look like

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **I would win on muscle alone

**TooBigEgo: **not a bad thought

**TooBigEgo: **okay cap he’s the example me and bat cane up with with a few edits

HAWKEYE

Accuracy: 90/100

Haircut: 2/10

Looks: 5/10

Flexibility: 8/10

Power: 10/100

Pure muscle: 1/100

Stupidity: 999/100

**Thepuffypigeon: **OI

**Thepuffypigeon: **it just gets worse and worse

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **That is quite a high flexibility

**TooBigEgo: **he’s a slippery ssssnake

**Spiderylady: **ok so is everyone drunk on this chat

**StarSpangledAss: **do me!

**TooBigEgo: **yeah but your pretty flawless Ass-Man

**Spiderylady: **ok I think…

CAPTAIN AMERICA

Accuracy: 85/100

Haircut: 5/10

Looks: 8/10

Flexibility: 6/10

Power: 99/100

Pure muscle: 100/100

Stupidity: 60/100

**TooBigEgo: **yeah he’s done stupid things

**TooBigEgo: **and I think he’s more handsome than that

**TooBigEgo: **according to magazines that is I mean

**Thepuffypigeon: **wait are you GAY

**Spiderylady: **Clint stop

**Spiderylady: **Sorry I didn’t realise how drunk he was

**StarSpangledAss: **apology accepted

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **I have more muscle than that

**StarSpangledAss: **wait I’m not that stupid

**TooBigEgo: **you broke my kitchen for tea

**Spiderylady: **you threw yourself out of the car yesterday

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **just a few earth hours ago you hosted a jumping competition to see who could touch the roof

**TooBigEgo: **why wasn’t I invited

**Thepuffypigeon: **we didn’t want you to get mad

**TooBigEgo: **about what

**TooBigEgo: **WHAT

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **it was just a meagre hole in the roof! Nothing to worry about!

**TooBigEgo: **you what

**TooBigEgo: **a hole

**Thepuffypigeon: **moving on swiftly

**Spiderylady: **you said you wanted to improve his card, didn’t you Tony?

**TooBigEgo: **hang on boys (featuring girl and god)

**TooBigEgo: **btw it isn’t over

CAPTAIN AMERICA

Accuracy: 85/100

Haircut: 5/10

Looks: 9/10

Flexibility: 6/10

Power: 90/100

Pure muscle: 99/100

Stupidity: 60/100

ASS POWER: 999/100

**StarSpangledAss: **what is it with you guys and my butt?

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **even amongst gods you arse it truly magnificent, Steven

**Thepuffypigeon: **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

** _DrBanner _ ** _is online_

**DrBanner: **I come in to say hi and I find Clint doing a ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) face

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **I like that funny little face

**TooBigEgo: **okay so who do we do next

**StarSpangledAss: **you

**TooBigEgo: **that’s easy

Accuracy: 100/100

Haircut: 10/10

Looks: 10/10

Flexibility: 10/10

Power: 100/100

Pure muscle: 100/100

Stupidity: 0/100

ASS POWER: 100/100

**DrBanner: **Hmm

**Spiderylady: **Hmm

**StarSpangledAss: **hmmmmmmmmmm

**Thepuffypigeon: **hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **HAHAHA THAT IS SO UNTRUE HAHAHA

**TooBigEgo: **Oi

**Spiderylady: **I’ll improve it

TONY STARK

Accuracy: 90/100

Haircut: 4/10

Looks: 7/10

Flexibility: 2/10

Power: 70/100

Pure muscle: 40/100

Stupidity: 10/100

ASS POWER: 5/100

**StarSpangledAss: **put looks down one because of that hippy beard

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **yes that is good

**DrBanner: **is this counting his iron suit thingy?

**Spiderylady: **yeah I thought I might give him the benefit of the doubt

**Thepuffypigeon: **ass power 5 XD

**TooBigEgo: **OI! I feel violated

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **man of Iron accept the truth

**TooBigEgo: **you’re all just jealous

**DrBanner: **no. No we’re not

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **what about I? I of course will have the best stats as I am the only god here

**Thepuffypigeon: **Hmm

**Spiderylady: **we’ll see

**TooBigEgo: **ok so:

Accuracy: 80/100

Haircut: 6/10

Looks: 7/10

Flexibility: 5/10

Power: 99/100

Pure muscle: 100/100

Stupidity: 80/100

ASS POWER: 70/100

**StarSpangledAss: **that’s fair

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **I should be more powerful than that

**StarSpangledAss: **yeah but no one can have 100% power

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **Gods can

**Thepuffypigeon: **yeah but if there are many gods than surely there is some kind of power ranking thing? I mean you can’t just have all gods at the same power

**DrBanner: **fair point

**Spiderylady: **didn’t think you were that smart

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **yes but even amongst gods I was pretty powerful

**TooBigEgo: **yes but not the most powerful

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **yes but according to these earthling cards I am because we are not counting other planets

**Spiderylady: **are we?

**DrBanner: **ok but I see his point

**TooBigEgo: **whose side are you on?

**DrBanner: **He is the most powerful being that we know of on earth

**TooBigEgo: **don’t flatter him

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **thank you doctor

**DrBanner: **no prob buddy

**StarSpangledAss: **ok so what about Natasha and Bruce? What would they be like on these cards?

**Spiderylady: **nowhere near as glamorous as you

**Thepuffypigeon: **so is Thor the top Trump? That sucks

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **WHY WOULD THAT SUCK

**StarSpangledAss: **calm down. He didn’t mean it did he?

**Thepuffypigeon: **no sir

**TooBigEgo: **

BLACK WIDOW

Accuracy: 90/100

Haircut: 9/10

Looks: 8/10

Flexibility: 10/10

Power: 40/100

Pure muscle: 40/100

Stupidity: 20/100

ASS POWER: 50/100

**Spiderylady: **considering what the other cards look like, I’m kinda flattered

**Thepuffypigeon: **She is the ultimate ssssssssssnaaaaaakkkke

**StarSpangledAss: **pretty snakey

**TooBigEgo: **ok is everyone drunk on this chat right now?

**StarSpangledAss: **can’t get drunk

**DrBanner: **he’s on lots of morphine

**DrBanner: **I gave it to him a few minutes ago because of the broken ribs he managed to get when he jumped out of the car

**StarSpangledAss: **I don’t like morphine

**DrBanner: **don’t worry I’m with him so he shouldn’t raid the kitchen

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **ah so that is why the captain acts like he is drunk from time to time

**Spiderylady: **yeah we still haven’t found a painkiller that doesn’t involve this

**Thepuffypigeon: **I’m sorry but why did you jump out of the car

**TooBigEgo: **are you telling me you were just sitting on the couch with broken ribs for a good few hours

**DrBanner: **that’s how he’s stupid

**StarSpangledAss: **they didn’t hurt that much

**TooBigEgo: **sure

**Thepuffypigeon: **stupid Captain America

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **yes very stupid

**StarSpangledAss: **I’m not that stupid

**DrBanner: **whatever you say

**TooBigEgo: **ok Bruce don’t think you’re safe. I made you a card just because I’m that kind

BRUCE BANNER (without Hulk)

Accuracy: 50/100

Haircut: 10/10

Looks: 5/10

Flexibility: 3/10

Power: 50/100 (he’s a good doctor ok?)

Pure muscle: 10/100

Stupidity: -1/100

ASS POWER: 30/100

**DrBanner: **I’m touched

**TooBigEgo: **you should be

**TooBigEgo: **anywho I’m off to get some shawarma

**TooBigEgo: **anyone care to accompany me?

**StarSpangledAss: **I hate shawarma

**TooBigEgo: **your opinion is invalid

**Spiderylady: **I could use some

** _Spiderylady _ ** _is offline_

**Thepuffypigeon: **nah I’m gonna stay with Cap and his fabulous flag

**DrBanner: **so it was you that gave him the flag

**Thepuffypigeon: **he’s a gay boy

**TooBigEgo: **not this again

**Thepuffypigeon: **GAY

** _Thepuffypigeon _ ** _is offline_

**SUPREMEGODTHOR: **where has he ran off to?

**TooBigEgo: **god knows

** **


End file.
